the road dog life

The trip was so amazing. We went to Fargo North Dakota and Ogden Utah for film festivals. We showed our film “305”. I had such a good time. I need it badly. It was really cold in Utah and North Dakota. We got a really good response. The audiences laughed throughout the whole film. I felt really good about it.
At one point we were driving back to Utah from North Dakota and I was sitting in the backbench of the van. I was so tired and sick of the van. But at that moment I felt a complete peace about it. Like I knew I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I was with the right people and doing the right things. I can’t wait for what is in store for me when I finally graduate for vanguard.
A little update on the film we got accepted into the Palm Beach international film festival. That’s huge for us. That’s a top ten-film festival and is really respected. Also we got into Newport Beach film festival. So that is going to be a huge party and all my friends on the west coast have to come. Hopefully we can have the DVD available to sell in May.

Given Up

Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the f**k is wrong with me!

I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy



I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the f**k is wrong
with me!

GOD!

Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my...
Put me out of my f**king misery!

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the f**k is
Wrong with me!

life in general

I feel worried about my life and family. It’s hard not to worry. I can be a control freak sometimes. I hate when people start doing stuff and I feel like I’m being replaced. I just want to be good at what ever I do. This pass week has been tough for me. My dad has been sick and battling cancer and an infection. Those are not combos. The treatment for cancer kills your body’s defenses against being sick so it is harder on you being sick. My family feels like a big stress bowl right. My brother is working my dads company and my mom is struggling with my dad being sick. Meanwhile, I’m trying to finish at school. I have been feeling so depressed lately. It is hard to fight it off. Something needs to change quickly.

screaming til it hurts

Sorry it’s been awhile since I updated the blog. It’s been a rollercoaster of a ride. SO everyone knows about how we were waiting to start the second round of treatment for my dad but we had big problems. Apparently Medicare decided to tell the hospital that my dad was not covered by them for the second round of treatment and he was not covered for the first round. I’m so sick stupid government stuff like this. So my sister knocked down some doors and pimp slap Medicare into covering my dad.
This kind of stuff just makes me so mad. I mean my dad is going toe to toe against a disease that could kill but he also has to battle Medicare. I swear I just to explode on some people. This stuff makes me just want to scream out in anger, pain and sorrow for my dad. That might be the worst part of this journey. I can’t do anything to help my dad with this. I can provide emotional help but a part me wishes that could over this with a snap of the fingers.

New Years

I just wanted to say HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope everyone has a fun countdown tonight. This year has been crazy, with everything going on with my dad to the success of 305.
I just wanted to thank everyone again. If you ever lifted a prayer, sent money, gave a hug, cleaned our house, called us, text us, took one of us out for food, was shoulder to cry on and did something I can’t think of. Thank you so much. Dad got a great update today. The doctor said he couldn’t find any more cancer. So now we are waiting for Medicare to approve the next round of treatment. Then he will have to recover from that treatment and goes into a maintains program. We so excited about this. Please keep us in your prayers as we try to find a place for my parents to live. I hope and pray that everyone has great new years.
Late

Good Stuff

It’s Christmas Time!!!!!!!!

Also I will be going to a special poker night fundriaser for my parents tonight. The place where my sister Tina works is putting on a special poker night. I think it is going to so much fun. Im just so blown away by what people have done for my family. It’s just Lord blessing us like never before.

what to do

Sometimes in life you don’t know what to do. That is what my life has been the last couple of months. With all that is going on with my family I just have not known what to do. But that’s when God shows up! My father was diagnosed with cancer and my world has totally changed. It is hard to see my father in his weakened state. Even when we talk on the phone I can hear how tired he is. But he is not giving up.
God is doing a work. He got good news from the doctors. They said all his blood numbers are up. Which means this special treatment is working. Now we are waiting for medicare to approved the next round of treatment. Hopefully this will start a week after Christmas. I want to wish a special thanks to everyone who has prayed for us,donated to my family or even said a kind word. I believe these acts have help to sustain my family through this time. God provided for family so we can have Christmas in our own home and not have to worry about moving until after the holidays.